Dealing with a mental illness-
a new series by emotion explores how people deal or have dealt with their mental illnesses.
in this first exploration we start at the beginning with our founder as shares how he deals with his inner demons and what he does to get it all out.
“Art washes from the soul the dust of everyday life.” —Pablo Picasso
Hey, Phill here. This is my story of how I deal and have dealt with depression.
The year is 2011... I started to feel different. usually I was this happy hyper active kid who loved everything, then things started feeling a lot darker. I wasn't smiling and I was annoyed by the smallest thing. I did some research to see if this was normal as part of growing up.. you know puberty, hormones and all that.
I came across a single word at the top of a google search...
DEPRESSION
Now 15 year old me didn't have a clue what this was but I read through what it said on the NHS website and I felt connected, it just described everything I was feeling and going through.
long story short I eventually got diagnosed with depression, sent to camhs till I was 18.
2017
I'm now 21 and back at college, studying photography. depression had been a lot better but still there in the background.
Photography had always been a hobby of mine but I wanted to pursue it further. Where too? I had no idea, I was thinking journalism at the time.
Anyway 2017 I was recovering from a break up. It was a seriously rough time, I became so depressed as a result I started to become very ill and spent some time in hospital.
College didn't feel like an escape but instead added more pressure. I consumed myself and shut myself away. All I had was myself and my camera.
I had loved surrealism and was captivated by an artist called Francesca Woodman. she died by suicide at the age of 22, in 1981. obviously I felt some sort of connection to woodman, she was troubled, suffering and captured this in her photography.
Her striking work to me portrayed how she was feeling with the slow shutter speeds resembling struggle and I started to give it a try.
Some quotes by Woodman, really hit home and I'm sure you can relate to them to;
"You cannot see me from where I look at myself"
"Real things don't frighten me just the ones in my mind do."
"Things looked funny because my pictures depend on an emotional state... I know this is true and I thought about this for a long time. Somehow it made me feel very, very good."
Though I never met Woodman I Felt like I knew her. I felt this because I could relate, connect and that we were very similar.
I found this style so therapeutic, it was as I was looking at a photograph of my mind. A window into my thoughts. I found it so helpful to be able to convert how I was feeling into an image to then reflect and show others what i was feeling.
it's so hard to describe a mental illness, you just can't do justice to how it feels living with on. However with this experimentation, these photographs they came closer than I ever could or can to saying how feel the words ever could.
photography is my escape and my nemesis. It's my escape in the fact it distracts me from hurting myself, it relaxes me but it's also my nemesis for the same reasons. it doesn't always feel like an escape and that's because I'm 'looking back at myself' in these images I'm looking into my darkness and it all becomes very overwhelming and so much more real because it's not just in my head anymore it's there staring back at me.
Nevertheless it's the best thing that's worked and does work for me. To anymore out there:
express yourself you might just find the answers.
But this is why art therapy works. Art therapy unfortunately isn't all that successful in "stopping mental illnesses' however it creates a starting point to develop upon.
Art therapy is also known as an expressive therapy. This sort of therapy uses art as a means of communication and lets people express and explore their thoughts and emotions. You do not even need to be very artistic or creatively talented to take part in this therapy.
With art therapy you can, as I do get your thoughts and feeling out physically and reflect upon them. as a result you may learn something about yourself.
There's no right or wrong either, it's purely you and your mind. it's personal. it's a lot easier than trying to find the words to make someone understand. Art therapy creates the perfect basis for people to start that conversation, it gives them something to start with and build upon.
I find just talking nothing seems to change, you've just spoken about it, where as the art therapy you have something out there it feels as though you've done something and worked on yourself for change.
Here at emotion we encourage you to believe and say something, to share your story to inspire others, but we also want you to do what works best for you That's why we are adding a new tagline for all things creative,
believe, create, change
Phoenix Morris.
DEALING WITH A MENTAL ILLNESS SERIES WILL CONTINUE NEXT WEEK.
IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO SHARE YOUR WAYS OF DEALING A BE FEATURED IN THIS SERIES EMAIL US AT
PHILL@BELIEVEANDSAYSOMETHING.CO.UK
EMOTION.
BELIEVE AND SAY SOMETHING
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